And the tears begin

Well just when I thought it was safe, the tears have begun to fall. It happened rather suddenly while I was dusting off an item of furniture that is making its way to another house. I'm not attached to the furniture but rather to the memories that surround the furniture. I'll miss the times we've crammed the extra stuffing on it when there just wasn't enough room at the table already full of family and friends. I'll miss the time we knocked over the pop just sitting on the edge while one of us reached for that card in a cut-throat game of 'pit'. I'll miss dusting off the good glasses when we celebrated the engagements of our daughters and new in-laws visited around our table. It's those things I'll miss about the furniture as it leaves.
As we made our way around our house and I tagged the things that we would place in storage I thought I wasn't really attached to anything and I still feel that way, but it doesn't stop the tears from flowing as I think of all those times we've shared with family and friends around those dented and scratched up pieces of IKEA finds that we've collected over time.
And even though it's only a year it's still hard to think of the little things that will change while we're gone. Things like little Liam sitting on Poppy's lap, stuffing his little face with turkey, carrots and a huge roll while laughing at all of us for making faces at him. Things like the games of Spoons or Pit or Settlers that won't happen with 8 0r 10 of us at a time for an entire year. Things like the 'insider jokes' that only the family can talk about. No it's not the furniture that makes me cry, it's the family that surrounds it that causes the tears to flow. It's the friends that we will not see over the next year that cause me to miss those silly pieces of wood and glue.

As the house empties, my heart aches a little more each day. The reality of what is ahead is looming in my mind and even though I know we are meant to go, it does not lessen the pain that a mother goes through when she leaves some of her kids behind.

Furniture and houses mean nothing. The emptiness of the heart is what causes pain. God blessed us with a house full of children and a heart full of memories that will sustain me over this next year. I am thankful that we share a bond with our children that I know many would love to have. We are truly blessed. It is that bond, those memories that will give me strength, that will see me through the tears as I continue to see the empty rooms, the cartons in the corners and the walls bare. Still I covet the prayers of those who read this blog. Prayer will see us through. God has called us, He will be our strength! Pray for our family while we are gone. It is a journey that is both exciting and sad but it will be one that we will never forget and our family will be stronger for it.

renewed faith

It's been a rough couple of days faith wise. Years ago my father in law told me that I possess a great spirit of discernment and for the most part I've believed it. These past few days however I've begun to question that. Over the past few months there have been a number of things happen that many would say have been attacks on our family. Though they may seem insignificant to many add them all up and they amount to some rather large things. There are days when I seriously sit down and think, "What am I Job?". Of course as soon as I utter those words, along comes a sermon that speaks to me and puts me in my place. Still it's hard in the flesh to understand why things happen.
Either we are not meant to go and God is closing doors or as my rather wise 14 year old eloquently puts it "Satan must be terrified of what we're meant to do over there." She often puts things into perspective when I'm at my lowest.
So after a few days of 'feeling sorry for myself' and a day in bed thanks to a nasty flu virus I've had some great times of prayer. Now I'm not saying that the answer has come to me in a wonderful dream or a revelation of sorts but slowly I'm beginning to see that God has orchestrated this trip and it's all in His timing. Money will come in, work Visa's will come through and all the odds and ends will be tied up when they need to be. If it is indeed His plan (and we do feel it is) then it will be in His timing and no matter what we do as humans we cannot fight it or change it. It is definitely a faith journey and I'm glad you've decided to join me on it.